| Location | Leicester |
| Age | 27 years |
| Cause of Death | Suicide |
| Date of Birth | 04/06/1981 |
| Date of Death | 15/12/2008 |
| Visitors | 7,548 since 28/12/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
****MAY I TAKE THIS CHANCE TO THANK YOU FOR LIGHTING CANDLES FOR MY BROTHER JOE*****♥
**♥**As you can see, I have changed Joe's name. He changed his surname by deed poll a few years
ago, but he reverted back to Benyon when it mattered. His suicide card was signed Joe benyon which
was very significant. I believe he wanted to be Benyon as he died, so am honouring this!**♥**
Joe, you are my big brother, my only sibling, and that will never change...nothing can ease the pain
I feel at losing you and bring you back, or change the way I feel...I feel so much guilt, so much
regret, and a barrage of what ifs and if onlys hit my already tortured mind. We grew up with only a
year between us, and I like to think stayed close. I know your mental conditions sometimes made it
difficult to open up or get close to people, but we had our good times didn't we? so many good
times. On 12 december 2008 you took me to Sheffield to see slipknot. your fave! you paid for the
ticket, we had dinner out beforehand...it was so lovely, as in the weeks beforehand you had been so
doped up on meds it was sometimes difficult to communicate. Then suddenly, after weeks of not
leaving the house, you found the inner strength to go out that night. I now know why. It was to give
me a lasting happy memory wasn't it? you filmed the whole thing to make sure i had it all on tape.
And on the 15th December, you took your own life.
The letter you left tried to show us why. And after years of watching you struggle, and that candle
of hope start to fade in your eyes, we knew why. "no more hurt no more pain". But that didn't make
it any easier. Why that night? why didn't I come round that weekend after the concert? why didn't i
do more after you told me you wouldn't be around for xmas, instead i brushed over it? Did it hurt?
Did you regret it halfway? Did you know how much we loved you, how much you meant. Maybe we should
have shown it more, but we tried...I would come up to your room and give you a hug even when you
were out of it on meds, invite you round to mine, remember that night when we watched the remake of
halloween which was awful, then ate pizza and played the wii? why didn't you ever come again after
that one night, I kept asking you. remember download? that is when you were at your happiest i
think, and we got three days together, even shared a tent!
Why did you think the world hated you? why did you think you weren't good enough? Why did you think
you wree freeing us from the burden of your illness. But mostly, I know...you were sick and tired of
your illness and your troubles.
I love you Joe, my brother, and always will, I will never let you be forgotten and my heart breaks
for the loss of you.
Below is part of the eulogy dad wrote on your order of service. I hope you were listening to the
tribute I gave? 6 minutes talking about my wonderful memories of you, the whole time standing
infront of your coffin. How did I manage that? You gave me strength and you will continue to do so.
We have many happy memories of Joe – visits to Hallaton to see cousins Luc and Holly, trips to
grandparents in Southampton and Weston, walks in the countryside, the New Forest and Swithland
Woods.
We remember holidays in Cornwall, Snowdonia and Dorset, and in Italy, Corfu and other Greek islands,
often with the Llewellyn family. We have lovely memories of Joe on our visits to Australia and
America, and to Coleen’s brother’s family in Vancouver.
Joe was a highly sensitive person and worried a lot and he tried to overcome his inhibitions. A
strong family memory is of Joe, aged 6, singing ‘Once in Royal David’s City’ on his own in
front of Avenue School. Later, as a teenager he fearlessly skied down the daunting black run in
Andorra. We also remember the enjoyment he got over several years playing for the famous Clarendon
Park Rangers FC.
His anxiety and related depression seemed to get worse as Joe grew older. He battled to overcome
these handicaps, although it proved very difficult to get any effective help. He found solace and
support in his growing Christian faith and was baptised in 2008. However, his illness kept pulling
him down. In his own words, Joe longed for ‘no more hurt, no more pain’.
We have been moved and comforted by all the messages about Joe. He has been described as a lovable
and loving young man – witty and warm, smart and kind, sensitive, caring and vulnerable, funny,
intelligent and generous. Some have written of his courage, others of how he helped them.
One friend described Joe as having a ‘heart of gold’, another said he was ‘one in a
million’. Another wrote: ‘Joe was like the sun above dark clouds, but often hidden. Then
there’d be a glimpse of that sun and it made you smile and feel warm’.
We will remember Joe as a young man who touched many other people in all sorts of positive ways. He
has gone much too soon, but we will treasure our happy memories of him throughout our lives.
Joe – after your long struggle you are now at peace in a better place and you will live on in our
hearts and memories.
Joe had been let down by the mental health system over and over again for years. we couldn't get him
the help he desperately needed. and to cope with his social anxiety disorders, he self medicated to
a point of zombie-ness. Eventually, life got too much to bear and he ordered his pills from egypt
and at some point in the early hours of the 15 december 2008 he took them. We do not know what
happened next, how long it took, whether he was in pain...mum found him the next afternoon. I will
never for my whole life long forget receiving that phone call from her at 3pm on the Monday...the
moment my life changed forever.
my poem for you:
My brother I have such memories of our shared years
The time we spent together means so much to me
And when I think of you and shed those tears
I try to think of you happy now, and finally free
You spent many a time in trouble and many a time in pain
Spent much time on your own in your room
I know how much you loved us, your letter tells us time and time again
But your love for us, and ours for you, could not free you from your doom
We must realise how difficult your life was, no peace or solitude
How tortured your young mind, how hard your life
When you were angry, mad and sometimes rude
That was your anxious mind twisting the knife.
Joe, you are happy now, no more hurt and no more pain
And the time has come for us to stop blaming ourselves
I look inside myself for evidence that you are near
And the knowledge that you guide me from above stems my fear
When you left I felt grief, then an aching emptiness
As I tried to get my head around never seeing you again
I didn’t know how I would go on, I must confess
Now I finally understood your hurting and your pain
The years stretch on before me, so bleak and dark and long,
I pray you walk beside me, brother, and help to keep me strong.
If I had known the last time I saw you would be then
I would have held you close and never let you go again
Would have told you how much I love you and how much you mean to me
Would have sat you down and tried to make you see
But now I have to settle for telling you now instead
How thoughts of you will never leave my head
You were my brother for 26 years, 2 months and 20 days
But more importantly you will continue to be my brother
As I get older, so will you, and you will live on in my heart for the rest of my days
I love you Joe, forever more, a love like no other.
Until my time on this earth ends and we are reunited together once more
I shall look for you in the wind, the stars, the setting of the sun
I smile as I think of you behind heaven’s door
Watching over me brother as you have always done.
The songs playing are
- Hurt by Johnny Cash, chosen by Joe for his funeral as it reflects the feelings he felt for so
long
- Danny Boy, which was played as the coffin was carried in
- Abide With Me, the hym Joe chose.
- It Gets Better, by Jo Dee Messina (also chosen by Joe for funeral)
- Sleep Well My brother, by Saga (also chosen by Joe)
Joe was:
Son to John Benyon and Coleen Ramsey
Brother to me (Danielle)
Brother in law to Mike
Nephew, cousin, grandson, friend. xxxxxx
memories
They say memories are golden
Well maybe that's true
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted you.
A million times we've needed you
A million times we've cried
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still
In our hearts you hold a special place
No one could ever fill.
If tears could build a staircase
And heartache build a lane
We'd walk the path to heaven
And bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken
And nothing seems the same
But as God calls us one by one
The chain will link again.
- Author Unknown -
joe for you
its a hard life and we all feel it at one time and
another. we want to do whats right for everyone even if we are not sure its the right thing to do, we have all possibly thought about doing the same thing when times have been really bad but the rest have found a way out. i wish in my position i could have done more for you in my position as a police officer i could have got the right people to talk to you but i didnt, i live with that and will always, we always shared the same interests and i am thankful for that, i sent the spy who loved me with you as you enjoyed the parachuting off the cliff scene. thats my favourite too. going round your parents house wont be the same, you know what i mean
thinking of you
can't stop thinking of you tonight. I could have gone out with char n soph, or even rond to sam's, but I didn't have the energy. Michael is at work tonight so I'm alone with my thoughts, sometimes that is good though...
Hope you're OK, and perhaps watching over me tonight? the banging shed door has been freaking me out!!
Love you so much Joe and I always will, I wish you were still around, you could have come round to play wii. remember the fun we had that time? You never got to play the game you got me for my birthday. You would have liked it.
Was reading the new stephen king book today, it mentions slipknot! that made me think of you straight away, lol, that night on 12 December, we had such a great time. wish i had found the time to talk to you at the gig about how you were feeling but i wanted you to enjoy the night. If I had only known it would be the last time I would ever see you I would have clung to you and never let go.
I hope you know how much I am thinking of you, how much i care and always did xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
one month today
Crazy!! It's been a month since i spoke to you, hugged you, saw you (alive) I miss you so much. Just keep thinking a month ago today, I still had no clue as you were dead on the bedroom floor, the whole time i was doing trivial things like buying a roast for dinner and walking the dogs, and no one knew
I love you and miss you more than i could put into words
By Jamey Wysocki
I am learning how to live,
In a new way,
Since that day,
You were taken away.
I am learning how to live,
With the things left unsaid,
Knowing I got to say them,
With every tear that I shed.
I am learning how to live,
By embracing the pain,
Knowing that you live on,
Through the memories that remain.
I am learning how to live,
Knowing I will never again see your face,
And I have peace knowing,
You’re in a better place.
I am learning how to live,
Knowing you’re in God’s care,
It gives me the strength to move on,
And makes the pain much easier to bare.
Healing Begin
Healing Begin
by Randall Benzel
You were my brother, you were my friend
I don't understand how it came to this end.
Life seems so cruel when it turns against us
even when we created most of the problems that haunt us.
We have nothing but questions with no end in sight,
when God calls one home to his eternal light.
Our thoughts leave us empty and feeling alone,
we can't understand God, why you've taken them home.
What comfort we find, comes only with time,
as we try to repair our lives from despair.
We ask you O Lord to help us believe,
So our hearts and our minds may begin to conceive
how only Your way is the path to our end,
and with Your guiding light may our healing begin.
The phone calls you made late into the night,
were your cry for help from your troubles and fright.
Would we have done anything different to reach out to you,
there's just no way of knowing what only God knew.
I can't help but wonder along with those left behind,
how our enduring love couldn't save you this time.
Not a day will go by that we don't think of you,
and how different it could be if only we knew.
We ask you O Lord to help us believe,
So our hearts and our minds may begin to conceive
how only Your way is the path to our end,
and with Your guiding light may our healing begin.
Only you knew the reasons for your depth of despair,
but I sit and I pray that you knew we all cared.
Your death although tragic has given us light,
that you no longer suffer and struggle to fight
the demons that held you so strong in their grasp,
that the good Lord decided to take you at last.
If we could turn back the pages in time,
to a place you held dear in your mind,
we'd look to the heavens and ask God above,
to take all your pain and replace it with love.
Love for the lives we pray you held dear,
your family, your friends, who always were here.
We can't visit the future or return to the past,
But our love for you will forever last.
We ask you O Lord to help us believe,
so our hearts and our minds may begin to conceive
how only Your way is the path to our end,
and with Your guiding light may our healing begin.
When the end has come for those we hold dear,
is it our place to question God for the answers to our fears?
Is it too much to ask for the pain to subside,
so that our heart's no longer troubled and our soul is alive.
Our questions to the Lord, we only pray will be heard,
so that we begin to understand thru His deeds and His word.
You brought us together as we lay you to rest,
our lives changed forever but still we are blessed.
Blessed from your soul with God's love on high,
we look to the heavens and know you're nearby.
We love you our friend and we always will try,
to picture your face with love in your eyes.
For this is the look that we'll remember the most,
as you go to rest with The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
We ask you O Lord to help us believe,
so our hearts and our minds may begin to conceive
how only Your way is the path to our end,
and with Your guiding light may our healing begin.
im so sorry for your loss x
hey joe i hope you have found peace were you are now babe and feel free from all the pain you have felt for such a long time by the sounds of it. i know it will hurt you to see your family so hurt by your loss but i hope the pain of loosing you will ease in time for them.
(to all of joe's family)
i am so sorry for your loss i know it hurts more than anything when you loose someone you love so much as i lost 2 of my brother's,
i would like to say the pain goes but in my experiance it will prob stay with you ever day for the rest of your life's.
i hope your joe has found peace so even tho your hearts are broken for you have lost him your minds will be at rest to know he aint suffering anymore.
all my love to the whole family and to you too joe for ever cathrine mclear(sister to joseph mclear and val mclear)
tattoo for you
Joe I got a tattoo in memory of you! it hurt!
Hope you like it :)
Love you always xxx
miss you
miss you so much. sometimes it's hard to keep motivated, to care about other mundane tasks in life, i would give everything i had and more to see you again xxx
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫
Those we love remain with us
For love itself lives on,
And cherished memories never fade
Because a loved one's gone.
Those we love can never be
More than a thought apart,
Far as long as there is memory,
They'll live on in the heart.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫♥♫
Love Ingrid xx
My Cousin Joe
You beat us to the finish line cousy wuzzy, but we will meet up again one day. You can push me into a hedge and I can randomly mess up your room starting with your fanciest sweater. I will take you everywhere with me in the meantime. I hope you found the ultimate freedom you were looking for. Aunty Coleen, Uncle John and Purple, my thoughts and love are with you. I will miss you Joe. xoxoxoxoAbi
![](http://www.gonetoosoon.org/file/gift__91x91/574a10f2bf947087e3ddfb7d6c47b647/spizza.jpg "Dominoes Pizza! You practically lived there. even now when I order pizza from mum's house, they say "Joe Dante?" ♥")
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